Airline Adventures!

Yes friends, airline travel is coming back.  And with it, “those people”!

Delta has now opened up all of its seating and trust me, the flights are very full.  Gone are the panicked days of having a vacant seat in between and even the most stringent flight attendants aren’t really enforcing the federally mandated mask policy.  They warn us that failing to comply could land us in jail for a long time with lighter wallets, but I haven’t even seen the stern look at flagrant violators.

I traveled to Alaska today.  Total flight time about eight hours.  I actually got a lot done thanks to my trusty Surface Pro that I’m using right now to write this.  Here are some of my observations, in no particular order:

1.  Full flights mean we are back to delays in flights.  I was lucky to have 30 minutes between connections to do my best “OJ through the Airport”.  [For those of you who only remember OJ as that guy in the White Bronco, he used to do commercials running and jumping over bags in airports, but I digress].  Good thing Mama wasn’t on the trip with me as we never would have made it.  Mama doesn’t run.  It’s not in her contract!

2.  The first flight was on a CRJ-900, a regional jet.  To give you an idea of the size, the overhead compartment was NOT bigger than a bread box.  And yet, more and more passengers loaded on with multiple bags so full that were obviously all meant to help them survive on a 30 day trek across the desert without resupply.  Honestly, the troops landing on D-Day were carrying less gear!  And still they plodded back.  Of course, when they realized nothing was going to fit overhead or under the seat, they all fought like salmon going upstream to gate check their bags.  If only they had listened when they got on the plane!

3.  The politeness of flying in the COVID era appears to be gone.  People are pushy and seem to have lost the capacity to understand the meaning of give others some room.  At one point in the boarding process a guy was standing so close behind me I had to let him know that I was married and not interested in him!

4.  People like to wear their Very Expensive noise cancelling headphones.  So, when the flight attendant is talking to you and asking questions, be sure to nod sagely until they stop talking. Then, very loudly, say you can’t hear anything and ask them to repeat.  While they do, ensure you do NOT remove your Very Expensive noise cancelling headphones.  After all, you shouldn’t be inconvenienced while someone is trying to help you!

5.  You’re supposed to wear your mask unless actively eating or drinking.  How a person can take an hour to eat one bag of peanuts [“actively” eating so as not to wear the mask] is beyond the stretch of scientific knowledge!  Maybe eating them one at a time is how they were meant to be eaten, but that hasn’t personally been my experience at all.

6.  The world is not interested in every nuance of your life.  We’re prisoners in a tin can.  Use your inside voice if you absolutely must tell the person sitting next to you how you won your little league championship fifty years ago.

7.  It’s a long flight. Those multiple bottles of booze you’ve been hitting have done nothing to enhance your little league story.  Enhanced the volume maybe, but that’s it.

8.  Deplaning:  Again, forget about that kindly admonishment to provide some social distance and let the people in the row in front of you get their things before you stand up, etc.  Those people in the back?  The ones who had to gate check their bags?  Rest assured, they vaulted out of their seats as soon as they were able so they could zoom to the front of the plane…to wait for the doors to open so they can wait for their bags.  Never mind the women and children, the frail, the weak, and the carnage they left in their wake.  Chivalry is dead, contrary to popular wishes.

We are all travelers on planet Earth.  A little kindness and concern for others goes a long way.  Perhaps that’s one of those things we learned in kindergarten but have forgotten along the way.  Having said all of this, I will say the flight was comfortable and I got a lot of work done.  Never let dead time lead to a dead mind.  We all get 24x7.  Use every minute you’ve got because someday, well, you won’t have them!  Can’t wait to fill you in with my adventures in Alaska!